What’s required? Here’s a list.

Several years ago my wife and I decided to move to Manhattan. Our daughters were 11 and 13. I guess you could say we got a “wild hair”, as folks back in rural Oklahoma would say—where we’re from.

For two small-towners with kids in-tow, the culture shock was phenomenal. But it was a grand experience. We wouldn’t trade our years in that city. Our girls did all their teen years there and consider themselves New Yorkers.

Soon after moving there I found myself working at the Bowery Mission, in their transitional, residential program for guys, many coming out of incarceration with extensive drug-abuse histories. 

It was a life-changing stretch for me, to say the least. One I didn’t see coming. I started out simply volunteering, helping out with GEDs. But something clicked and before long they talked me into coming on staff.

During my years there my ongoing caseload was the entire group of residents—75 to 90 guys. I was asked to develop vocational training and education programs, while splitting time at their east Harlem and lower east-side Manhattan facilities. I could go on for hours about what I experienced, but here’s my biggest takeaway: 

Any addiction can be overcome. Period. 

Whether you call it a habit or an addiction—it’s solvable.

However, more is needed than simply making a decision, having great willpower, or going to rehab. These can help, but more is needed.

Here’s a short list of what’s required, for starters.

Acknowledgement— that you actually have an issue. You agree to do something, now. It means owning it. Willingness begins here.

Willingness—because you want change. You’re willing to do what you have to. It means thinking of those you love and how it’s undermining your life. You make the call to get help because you don’t have the answers. Curiosity begins here.

Curiosity—about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It’s being OK with rethinking the assumptions and conclusions you’ve drawn. You’re curious how your mind works and ready to rewire it. You dig into how your subconscious mind undermines the conscious mind. You uncover the why. Experimentation begins here.

Experimentation—where you’re putting the conscious mind back in control. You’re freely in charge—not the substance or mindset. You’re trying out effective ways of being, testing assumptions and gathering data. Your perspectives and beliefs are based on what’s actually true, so your experience and knowledge now serve you well. 

This is where the dreaming begins, again.

I haven’t found many guarantees in life, but this much I know: when a person engages this process, he or she changes. They become alive. Fully alive.

This is where the breakthrough occurs. 

A dramatic shift happens and strongholds are broken. It’s not magic. But it is magical when what controlled your life has now become small and irrelevant. Insignificant.

Something you can take or leave, from now on.

Here’s to taking what’s ours to have, and leaving what ought to be left,

Tim

PS—It again occurred to me while writing this—this is my WHY. Helping others embrace this process and find what makes them most alive—is my WHY. 

If you would like to have a conversation about anything at all—no charge—then give me a call. I’d like to meet you.

Feel free to share.