What I do—

If you spend a sec on my web site you’ll get the impression I only work with those struggling with their alcohol intake. Folks who find themselves drinking too much, too often. 

A fair amount of my clients fall in this category, but not all. I work with people who have struggled with a wide variety of dependencies. People who find themselves unable to stop using a substance, or doing something that’s having a really negative impact on their lives.

There’s a lot of reasons how or why we can be there. Many look at others who struggle with an addiction or dependency and think it’s a matter of choice. “They should just stop”, is a common response.

It’s not that simple. Why we would do something we can’t stop, or put something in our bodies that alters our minds, seems confusing.

Contrary to what you’ve heard, we don’t inherit the “drinking or addiction gene” from our parents. But are some people more likely or prone to developing an addiction? Absolutely.

For starters, tons of people drink or do drugs, or do other things to medicate or escape—to help them deal with their situation or trauma—whatever is causing them pain, frustration or anxiety. And here’s the thing. It works. 

I’m not afraid or unwilling to say that, because it’s true.

Take alcohol. It makes you feel better pretty quickly. It stops the pain, numbs your senses, and like a lot of drugs, brings on somewhat of a euphoric feeling. Marijuana, ecstasy, coke, meth, sex—same effect, but even better. 

I said some are more prone or more likely to develop an addiction. Here’s a couple of reasons: we all like dopamine, and a lot of us really like the altered state—being high. 

It’s fun. I’m in the more likely category, and always was. I’m adventurous. I like trying new things. I don’t really deal with a major fear factor. I always was the-count-me-in, give-me-some-of-that, kind of person. To be honest, the only fear I had was FOMO.

I mentioned dopamine—what your brain produces in response to anything that causes pleasure, making us more likely to repeat the behavior—because anything that produces pleasure can be addictive. 

Simply having more willpower or removing all your triggers only works for a little while. Willpower wears down and it’s impossible to avoid all our temptations.

When you want something so bad you don’t want to (and can’t) do without it, you’ll find a way to have it. Over and over, no matter its effect on your body, career, or relationships. 

Here’s the good news: this also applies inversely. When you want something so good you can’t do without it, you’ll find a way to have it. When you desire a life that’s amazingly good, one that makes you feel the most ALIVE, nothing will keep you from having it.

This is the difference in behavior-based vs. emotion-based goals. A goal that involves not doing something anymore, or doing something different, tends to fail (how’s that diet going?).

Something you get emotional about takes you to another level, well beyond what willpower can reach. People tend to achieve what they become passionate about.

I know, I’ve experienced it, and I’ve walked with others who did.

This is a different way to beat addiction. It works because it’s not based on doing better, but it’s super-doable. It requires some rethinking and reframing, but it works. 

Of course it’s not that simple. But you can and will do it.

But only when you have the desire for something different, a willingness to ask for help, and an all-in mentality. With these, you’ll get it done.

Here’s to a different, better way to change.

Tim

PS—I’ve got nothing against AA, NA, SA, etc. You don’t even have to be an addict to benefit from a 12 step program. 

Here’s the thing. We all have addictions. But, getting addicted or forming a dependency is different from being an addict. One is temporary, the other a sentence. Words matter.

I’d love to discuss the difference. No commitment necessary. It’s a free call.

Feel free to share.