Why we do what we do (and why it’s not your fault)
I was talking with a friend the other day about something that really clicked for me: we're all wired in pretty specific ways, and once you understand that, a lot of your behavior starts to make sense. Like, oh, that's why I keep doing that.
Our brains have these built-in drives that have literally kept humans alive for thousands of years. A big one? Seeking pleasure. Makes sense—food felt great vs. starvation. Rest felt great when tired or injured. Connection felt good because we needed community to survive.
But here's the thing: today's world has basically weaponized pleasure. We don't just watch a show, we binge entire seasons. Want ice cream at 11 PM? It's at your door in 10 minutes. Everything that used to require effort now happens with a few taps on your phone.
And alcohol? It's like the express lane to your brain's reward system. One solid drink and boom—instant dopamine hit. Your brain takes notes: Hey, this works. Let's do this again.
Except here's the cruel part—it stops working as well over time. The buzz gets weaker, but your brain is still chasing that original high. So you end up trading long-term satisfaction for these quick hits that don't even hit like they used to, so you want, no, need more.
This isn't just about alcohol, by the way. Your brain is constantly running these other programs too:
Avoid pain → pick the path that feels easier
Save energy → go with what requires less thinking
Be right → look for information that confirms what you already believe
Get pleasure → even when it screws you over later
And here's what I want you to hear: this is not a character flaw. This is your operating system working exactly as designed.
But—and this is important—you're not stuck. Just because your brain wants something doesn't mean you have to give it that thing. Think about it: you do hard, uncomfortable stuff all the time when you're learning something new or building a skill. You know the value of doing things that suck in the moment.
The difference is understanding what's happening. It's not about white-knuckling your way through with pure willpower (spoiler: that usually doesn't work for long). It's about recognizing the game that's being played.
When you understand that whatever you consume—whether it's alcohol, social media, sugar, whatever—might actually create more craving for itself, you can plan for that. You can expect your brain to want more and not be surprised when it happens.
If you're drinking more than you want to, more often than feels right, listen: there's nothing fundamentally wrong with you. You don't have some moral failing or "addictive personality." Your brain is doing exactly what brains do when they encounter something that triggers the reward system.
And alcohol? It's just doing what alcohol does—being really, really good at hijacking that system.
The more you understand how this stuff works, the more power you have to make different choices. Not because you're fighting against your wiring, but because you finally understand what you're working with.
Tim
PS—Getting clear on how your brain and addictive substances interact isn't just helpful—it's essential if you want to change your relationship with them. This is where lasting change happens.
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